Reinforcement vs Bribery

Parenting is hard and as a first time parent, I face my own set of challenges with my 3 year-old son. Very often, we get confused over our own parenting styles and most of the time, we (myself included) lean towards bribery in order to get our child(ren) comply to the rules/ instructions in order to get something done. For example, a child wants to be fed instead of self-feed and a parent responds by saying, "If you eat your meals on your own, you will get a lollipop." Does this sound familiar to you? Yes, this is bribery and I am guilty as charged too. In reality, reinforcement is a more effective strategy as compared to the latter as it promotes desirable behaviour, as compared to using reward to exchange/ stop undesirable behaviour.

Let's delve deeper into both strategies.

According to Oxford dictionary, reinforcement is "the process of encouraging or establishing a belief or pattern of behaviour". In short, positive feedback leads to desired behaviour (reinforcement). In this strategy, one plans ahead the reward to be given to achieve the desired behaviour. For example, "If you complete this worksheet in 10 minutes, you will get 10 minutes of screen time." In this scenario, a parent rewards a child for displaying the desired behaviour (completion of homework). This is a powerful technique as the parent has the power to decide and is in control of the reward to be given and whether or not, the reward should be given.

In my earlier example, the lollipop (reward) is given in exchange for desired behaviour (independent self-feeding). Here, the child is in control of the situation. In short, bribery is the negotiation that takes place as a result of challenging (undesirable) behaviour. As adults, we need to be cautious of using the bribery technique because in the long run, the child will expect us to give in to all his demands all the time (i.e. you reward me then I will do as you say), thereby creating more undesirable behaviours.

So, which strategy have you been using? Whatever strategy you use, always remember to affirm the behaviour that you wish to nurture.